So the vim and vigour of this morning may have gone. For now.
Today I have had Summer Berries shake (lovely); veg soup (okay); pasta carbonara (truly awful - more later) and have a Banana shake for later.
Headache since 4pm ish... am well hydrated with pale pee (too much info?!) so it must be 'carb withdrawal'. Surprise surprise - 'bread girl' is in detox one day in!
Feelings - rollercoaster day. Excited to sad. My pasta for dinner was not good. Smelt and looked unattractive as well as being a tiny portion. Felt sad to be eating it with a glass of water. Tasted terrible - stong taste and savoury but not sure what it was. Pasta was part rubbery part crunchy. Not my usual experience of pasta carbonara which would have been joined by a glass of red and some parmigiano. But don't want to dwell on 'how it used to be'. Lack of control with that has lead to me being obese, BMI 31 with 40lbs to lose.
I wasn't looking forward to eating - and that's something I realise is huge for me. I look forward to EVERY meal or opportunity to eat. Butter on toast; milky sweet tea; fave sandwich & crisps; pasta/M&S meal and wine. Planning what to eat at next meal; next day; next dinner out = enjoyment as does the eating. This is not controlled eating. I can change this.
I didn't enjoy the eating experience - tonight's eating experience was awful. Pleasure-less and only ate it since I had no option. Avoided chewing it. Felt like this was punishment for years for food abuse.
BUT some +ives!
- warm food
- stomach felt better
- headache may be easing a little
- I have a sweet shake left!
- better health - reduce BP - and disease risk (heart, stroke, diabetes)
- feel better in mind and body - slimmer, confident
TFR x
p.s. also thinking how good it will feel to go to bed having achieved my goal for the day!
p.p.s. fab 80's track for the moment - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OO9LloDSJo
p.p.p.s fab 90's track for the moment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl-ai9HuR60
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