LL Weekly - week 5 - back on track & organising my thoughts

Nicked this off facebook - just
loved it. Simple and uplifting.

Stuck rigidly to programme for last 4 days and have 3 days to WI - will be keeping on plan for those too. I know I am still losing weight and noticed a funny definition in the mirror yesterday after my shower - bone definition where my collarbone meets my shoulder - funny the things we notice!
Today - reflections on my 'lapses' - plus feedback from the LL forum girls - many thanks to them for helping me think!



When!
'Unplanned lapses'

• always work out when they happen... I have had 3 incidents
• alcohol - 'crooked thinking' meant I gave into peer pressure to drink - was in 'rebellious child' thinking - rebelling against my own 'parental' instruction ('do not drink due to strict diet') - I lost control of the alcohol and then didn't care about and wanted to eat. Next time my instruction needs to be 'adult' - (I choose not to drink this evening to keep me on track and in ketosis - drinking will set back my progress and waste my effort and money - it won't move me towards my goal)
• post success at WI - feeling confident and 'deserve a treat' - again 'crooked thinking' - food as treats = weight gain in my past; instant gratification v. delayed gratification
• Sunday afternoons - another time when I would treat myself with food - the first weekend it happened I justified it after exercise but the next weekend I had no 'reason'
• remember to discomfort of post lapse on Monday night - fish and chips!! - fat and carb overload = upset tummy all day on Tuesday - several trips to the loo and really uncomfortable and I was out of ketosis
• these situations will need to considered further during RTM*

Why?
Some forum feedback and my reflections - thanks to Lilian, Lorraine601, Eiboo, Melina1:-

'Cheating = disliking yourself so much that you would want to cheat yourself. I bet you would be horrified if I suggested you cheat a friend. When you feel like lapsing perhaps you need a bit of encouragement from your best friend (you)' This seems to be a belief expressed in a book by Gillian Riley - will find out more about that.

My initial reaction was that I didn't think I 'disliked' myself so went to research self-sabotage and came up with 2 main reasons

1) subconscious fear of success - how will life be when I achieve my goals?
2) simple self discipline

Others on the forum share the 'fear of success' and I think this rings true - I have used my weight to avoid relationships and there's a reason for that I think but needs more thought.

How to use the lapse...
Lapsing or mistakes are part of  'mastery' of this plan - mistakes provide opportunities to learn.

Nice analogy - thanks to Lorraine601 from the LL Forum
'If you come off the motorway at the wrong exit, you don't chastise yourself about it. You 1) get back on the right road and 2) figure out where you went wrong so you don't do it next time :)'.

The key here being not to let the same mistake happen again thereby gaining the balance described below.

Forgiving ourselves seems crucial - beating ourselves up after a lapse would suggest we don't like ourselves - it's too destructive and negative. But the trick is not to allow 'forgiving' ourselves to become regular - that pattern perpetuates your belief that you can only handle certain social events by allowing yourself lapses instead of accepting that total abstinence means exactly what is says. Applying your own rules at best makes the diet part of this plan less effective, and at worst means you'll wind up eventually regaining when you finish management because you didn't equip yourself with all the psychological tools to combat addictive eating. (Ta to Eiboo for that one.) The correct balance lies  between the two extremes of beating ourselves up on the one hand, and having too lenient or forgiving an attitude towards going helter-skelter off plan on the other.

Finally...
Since self sabotage is largely subconscious it can creep up on us... awareness is key! Recognise the situations that may trigger it.

My final note on self-sabotage for today (thanks to Eiboo), Gillian Riley says: 'The truth is that you are much more likely to control your addictive overeating if you are going to get something you really want out of it.'. That ties in to what she says about shifting our focus from appearance (weight loss, dress size) and making our primary focus one of genuinely caring about our health. Genuinely caring about our health necessitates strong self-esteem. Weaker self-esteem can easily masquerade as stronger self-esteem. Weaker self-esteem is indicative of not liking oneself.
 I need to continue this learning both for my weight loss now and for eating differently and healthily in the future.

ODAAT
TFR xx

*RTM = 'Return to Management' - the LL course once target weight is reached to reintroduce food and support controlled and healthy eating and eating behaviours

p.s. 'planned lapses' are sometimes discussed and I have done this once but note -

• they defeat the objective of 'abstinence' - a key aspect to this programme in terms of breaking addiction
• defeats learning to cope in situations without food

LL Weekly - Week 4; 1 Month/28 days behind me.

So. Where to start?

The Good Stuff

• Okay weigh in tonight all things considered (see The Bad Stuff below)
• 2 off = 15 total off in 4 weeks
• = 3.75 lbs per week on average        
• = 1/2 lb per day on average
• expected weight loss done and Month 1 goal achieved (to lose 1 stone)

The Not So Good Stuff

• not established regular training (C25K) but have done something each week - run/walk or bike
• 'planned lapse' in Week 3 for awards dinner - all good and still lost 5lbs that week

The Bad Stuff

• at end Week 3 (Sunday before yesterday) I remembered some M&S breaded cod fillets in the freezer; I had done a run on empty stomach; got waylaid marshalling at an event and didn't eat porridge til 2pm - crooked thinking won (I need protein, I feel weak, I need a treat) and led to me eating the 2 fillets - all in all I still had under 1,000 cals that day and protein/carb balance seemed okay
• then end Week 4 and 'disaster weekend' - Friday went out, drank alcohol (despite plan not to) and ate the worst/best 2am take out - DK and chips eek - and 2 x diet cokes (but had an awesome night!)
• then on Sunday the 'fish' treat entered my head - I went to M&S - bought pack of 2 'lightly dusted' haddock fillets (slightly fewer cals and carbs than last week's fish!!) plus green veg accompaniment - ate both fillets and all veg - strictly a meal for 2...
• then tonight (weigh in) - and home via the chippy! WHAT IS GOING ON???? All I could think about in the meeting tonight was whether or not I wanted chippy tea and then would have F&C or something else.
• So now it's done - I feel too full and a bit disappointed; not really guilty though - shouldn't I????

And so back to The Good Stuff

• I have planned my packs for the next 3 days and will not have any bars (slightly more cals/carbs than soups & shakes)
• Have confessed all on here - feel better for dumping all this out. I have told no one about all the errors above but some people know some bits of it...
• I am looking forward to a good loss next week
• I I will refocus this week - re read my book
• I had these intentions a week ago and didn't succeed - need to reflect on that... but not just now...

I am on it.
ODAAT
TFR x

ADDENDUM - I suffered really badly after the fish and chips - too much fat and too many carbs in one big greedy hit - upset and painful tummy all day. Not to be repeated.

LL Weekly - Week 3. Done.

Hello - blogging getting sporadic already! Need to remember it is a great mental distraction for me and I hope helpful for some people out there.

So 3 weeks done as of tonight>>>>>>

13lbs lost; 7% body weight lost; 32% of my weightloss goal met.

Weeks 1 & 2 I followed the plan to the letter. Week 3 - faced some challenges...

Challenge 1

Business Breakfast to see the Olympic Torch on its way from our city. Breakfast goodies everwhere - really tempted and made a decision to have half a bacon sandwich. BUT detoured; made a peppermint tea then got chatting - bacon buttie averted.

Challenge 2

Awards dinner - decided to 'eat' to avoid looking rude or ungrateful. Had 3 FPs that day then at dinner ate small piece of bread; nibble of ham terrine (too salty so left the rest); 3/4 chicken breast (no skin) and veg (except mash); dessert was creme brulee and I had a few teaspoons before leaving. Plus 1/2 glass of fizz and 1 glass white wine. Was in control and back to the plan the day after.

Challenge 3

Sunday - last minute got involved with marshalling at a running event and then ran/walked 5km myself. Got home at 2.30am having not eaten all day and quite dehydrated. Ate porridge and drank water then had bath. Felt really ill after. Dizzy, nauseous - drank more water, laid down. Then remembered 2 cod fillets in breadcrumbs in the freezer. Felt I needed proper food. 'Nurturing Parent' kicked in with messages like 'it's good protein - you need it; your muscles worked hard today; it'll make you feel better'. So I ate them both - slowly with S&P and really enjoyed and savoured them. Only ate 2 other packs and calculated I ate about 1,000 cals in total for the day with similar C/P/F %'s as on the plan. On reflection this was not controlled; I didn't address the thinking in 'Adult' state - i.e. it won't add to your weight loss success.

So tonight I went to group and didn't tell anyone about this 2nd lapse. My weight loss was good and here I am at the start of Week 4. So slip up is behind me - part of mastery is mistakes! They say 'lapse; relapse; collapse' - am aware of that and will be mindful his week (inc. another dinner event on wednesday - will do same as last week). No guilt today and here's to another good week...

ODAAT

TFRx

LL Daily - Day 15 - challenges!

2nd weigh in last night - 5.5lbs off = 8lbs off in total so far. Pleased & proud.

Spent last weekend at friends surrounding by food & booze opportunities and I resisted them all. Didn't really even feel tempted.

Today I was at a Business Breakfast event and was there from 6.30am - had had shake before leaving the house. At 8am ish the brekkie was huge selection of croissants, danish and bacon sandwiches. Battled in my head re bacon sandwich... and decided half would be ok. But in the end I got a peppermint tea and got chatting and didn't have the little buttie.



strength & control

Why did I want it?

- habit

- comforting and great taste

- others having one
- smelt good

But I didn't need it and the reasons I wanted it were not good enough at the moment!

Glad I resisted. I regained control.

Tomorrow night - another challenge - I am attending an awards dinner. Challenges>>>
1) the event is in a venue within the company I work for and until April I managed this venue
2) historically I have always taken an interest in the menu/wine and the catering team usually seek my feedback
3) I would feel 'rude' and even ungrateful for not eating

So my plan
1) have porridge and bar during the day
2) at dinner - drink sparkling water from the wine glass (will drive also)
3) eat some of the 'protein' element - starter & main - move 'carbs' around
4) say 'no thanks' to dessert
 
This is like a 'LL Light' Day I think. I have made this decision and will return to LLT plan on Weds. Will report back on Wednesday to ensure I am back on track. The LL forum are suggesting that any 'lapse' could challenge my success on the programme so I need to be really careful.
I believe I am strong enough to do as I have planned.

ODAAT
TFR x

LL Daily - Days 7&8&9

Hello and sorry for delay. Am still on track and following the programme. Well done to me. Amazed I have done it. I DO have willpower! Although I am not actually feeling hunger (due to ketosis - but I hadn't quite believed the hype!); I am not feeling deprived. So will keep on keeping on - One Day At A Time - ODAAT...

Monday - 1st weigh in - bit disappointed - 2.5 lbs off - was expecting about 7lbs. Most people have a 'big' loss in 1st week (although most of that due to water loss - since glycogen in the body is stored with 4x its weight in water and all the glycogen gets used to before ketosis kicks in). So let's see what happens next weigh in...

Tuesday - no worries - stuck to the plan and not feeling worried about weight loss speed but am monitoring weight morning and evening - so maybe I am worried about it!! By the way - no headaches this week. Keep thinking about the cleansing properties of this programme as well as the weight loss aspect. Thinking about my eating habits previously my body must be in shock right now!

Wednesday - food packs planned - I do this the night before and settling into simple routines.

Knitting - it continues! & a friend suggested I oversew the lbs pounds lost each week into the part of the knitting I am on at that time. I am a new knitter and all I am doing is knitting a small throw made of 3 long 10" strips so oversewing the numbers will work well I think. A motivator to look at every day when knitting and a trophy to remind me of the journey when complete. Will get a photo up in the next couple of weeks.

ODAAT
TFR x

LL Daily - Day 6 - 'Lightbulb Moment' & Dad x

So yesterday I did errands and walked 4 miles before breakfast - a shake at 11ish. Ate two thirds of a bar at 3.30ish (peanut) - just didn't fancy the rest. It was okay so not about the taste. It's now 7.30pm ish and have just made a soup. But not feeling hunger and wasn't bothered about having it. But the programme says 4 packs a day so that's the deal and I have a shake to take later. Lightbulb moment >>> ketosis means I am not feeling hunger and so (today at least) I feel as though I am not 'bothered' about eating at all; not looking forward to it, not anticipating it. The programme takes all the joy out of food. It has become purely functional. Food truly was my instant pleasure (with long term negatives unfortunately.)



The Sun Has Got His Hat On - my Dad
would sing this on a sunny morning!



So need to ensure my daily joy is catered for whilst on programme.

And need to ensure when I return to food the way I focus on it changes. I think I am going to appreciate flavours so much more while thinking about the nutritional content.

Just realised it is Father's Day - so thinking about my Dad who passed away 10 years ago. I think I have lots of unresolved issues regarding my dad that link to my mild depression and overeating. He was an alcoholic, he never got well and his horrid addiction impacted on us all growing up. & I think maybe it does today still. Hope some of this will unravel during my therapy work on LLT as I understand my own food addiction and thinking. So thinking of my Dad today - he loved the sun.

TFR x

LL Daily - Day 5 - Feeling good...

Well this week is proving a challenge mentally and physically but today I feel okay! Maybe even better than okay..

1. I have no headache (phew)

2. I AM IN KETOSIS - hadn't realised but pee'd on a stick and it says I am (saw my LLC* this morning)

3. I walked to my appointment then did other errands - covered 4 miles

4. Bought wool and knitting needles! Guess I'm gonna be knitting something!

5. Am in bed - again - feel tired after walking; achey back and feel snoozy (plus was awake at 5am??!!). So going to snooze. Because I can. Have found I want to cocoon myself under the duvet a lot at the moment and then imagined all the lighterlifers in cocoons from food - eventually to emerge as glorious butterflies!

TFR x

*LLC - lighterlife Counsellor