LL Weekly - week 5 - back on track & organising my thoughts

Nicked this off facebook - just
loved it. Simple and uplifting.

Stuck rigidly to programme for last 4 days and have 3 days to WI - will be keeping on plan for those too. I know I am still losing weight and noticed a funny definition in the mirror yesterday after my shower - bone definition where my collarbone meets my shoulder - funny the things we notice!
Today - reflections on my 'lapses' - plus feedback from the LL forum girls - many thanks to them for helping me think!



When!
'Unplanned lapses'

• always work out when they happen... I have had 3 incidents
• alcohol - 'crooked thinking' meant I gave into peer pressure to drink - was in 'rebellious child' thinking - rebelling against my own 'parental' instruction ('do not drink due to strict diet') - I lost control of the alcohol and then didn't care about and wanted to eat. Next time my instruction needs to be 'adult' - (I choose not to drink this evening to keep me on track and in ketosis - drinking will set back my progress and waste my effort and money - it won't move me towards my goal)
• post success at WI - feeling confident and 'deserve a treat' - again 'crooked thinking' - food as treats = weight gain in my past; instant gratification v. delayed gratification
• Sunday afternoons - another time when I would treat myself with food - the first weekend it happened I justified it after exercise but the next weekend I had no 'reason'
• remember to discomfort of post lapse on Monday night - fish and chips!! - fat and carb overload = upset tummy all day on Tuesday - several trips to the loo and really uncomfortable and I was out of ketosis
• these situations will need to considered further during RTM*

Why?
Some forum feedback and my reflections - thanks to Lilian, Lorraine601, Eiboo, Melina1:-

'Cheating = disliking yourself so much that you would want to cheat yourself. I bet you would be horrified if I suggested you cheat a friend. When you feel like lapsing perhaps you need a bit of encouragement from your best friend (you)' This seems to be a belief expressed in a book by Gillian Riley - will find out more about that.

My initial reaction was that I didn't think I 'disliked' myself so went to research self-sabotage and came up with 2 main reasons

1) subconscious fear of success - how will life be when I achieve my goals?
2) simple self discipline

Others on the forum share the 'fear of success' and I think this rings true - I have used my weight to avoid relationships and there's a reason for that I think but needs more thought.

How to use the lapse...
Lapsing or mistakes are part of  'mastery' of this plan - mistakes provide opportunities to learn.

Nice analogy - thanks to Lorraine601 from the LL Forum
'If you come off the motorway at the wrong exit, you don't chastise yourself about it. You 1) get back on the right road and 2) figure out where you went wrong so you don't do it next time :)'.

The key here being not to let the same mistake happen again thereby gaining the balance described below.

Forgiving ourselves seems crucial - beating ourselves up after a lapse would suggest we don't like ourselves - it's too destructive and negative. But the trick is not to allow 'forgiving' ourselves to become regular - that pattern perpetuates your belief that you can only handle certain social events by allowing yourself lapses instead of accepting that total abstinence means exactly what is says. Applying your own rules at best makes the diet part of this plan less effective, and at worst means you'll wind up eventually regaining when you finish management because you didn't equip yourself with all the psychological tools to combat addictive eating. (Ta to Eiboo for that one.) The correct balance lies  between the two extremes of beating ourselves up on the one hand, and having too lenient or forgiving an attitude towards going helter-skelter off plan on the other.

Finally...
Since self sabotage is largely subconscious it can creep up on us... awareness is key! Recognise the situations that may trigger it.

My final note on self-sabotage for today (thanks to Eiboo), Gillian Riley says: 'The truth is that you are much more likely to control your addictive overeating if you are going to get something you really want out of it.'. That ties in to what she says about shifting our focus from appearance (weight loss, dress size) and making our primary focus one of genuinely caring about our health. Genuinely caring about our health necessitates strong self-esteem. Weaker self-esteem can easily masquerade as stronger self-esteem. Weaker self-esteem is indicative of not liking oneself.
 I need to continue this learning both for my weight loss now and for eating differently and healthily in the future.

ODAAT
TFR xx

*RTM = 'Return to Management' - the LL course once target weight is reached to reintroduce food and support controlled and healthy eating and eating behaviours

p.s. 'planned lapses' are sometimes discussed and I have done this once but note -

• they defeat the objective of 'abstinence' - a key aspect to this programme in terms of breaking addiction
• defeats learning to cope in situations without food